HOUSES TO AVOID AT HALLOWEEN

* Any house that seems to be imploding into a space-time wormhole.
* Any house made of food.
* Any house whose only entrance goes to the basement.
* Any house where the high tension wires suddenly stop right above it.
* Any house that has ornamental lawn hyenas.
* Any house that growls “get out.”
* Any house where the furniture seems to be walking across the living room floor.
* Any house that looks like a giant pulsating orb floating 3 feet off the ground.
* Any house with various and extremely realistic statues in the front yard of people in odd “running away” poses.
* Any house that wasn’t there only a minute ago.