La casa de papel * Money Heist – Season 1 quote about domestic violence

So I’m currently watching Money Heist and I just heard a very truthful depiction on how domestic violence starts. Quote below:

“It’s not what I imagine if I think of…”
“Of what? Of a battered woman?
Because I carry a gun, don’t I?
Look, the fact is, it doesn’t start with a slap. If so, no one would be with a violent man. On the contrary, it is… You are… You fall in love with a charming, intelligent man that makes you feel the center of the universe. And when he asks you to change your profile picture and put your daughter’s, you find it tender.
And when he tells you not to wear a miniskirt to work, you think, “I’m a woman who works in a man’s world and he’s actually protecting me.”
And then, one day, he raises his voice…”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“Yeah, yeah. I need to. Look, it’s like… It’s like descending steps slowly. Like in those scary movies where someone goes down to the basement and everyone thinks, “Don’t go down there. Don’t go down there. But you go down.
And that’s when he gave me the first slap. And then the second and third… And I finally got divorced.”
“You didn’t denounce him?”
“No. He was a cop, the most popular guy in the station and I just wanted to let him out of my sight. I guess I was embarrassed to sit in front of my boss and recount to him a year and a half of humiliations and blows.
I got a 9 mm HK in the pouch, but I have no fucking idea how to take care of myself.
Don’t say that. But the real drama came a few months later, because my sister fell in love with him. They began to go out, to travel and… And then I denounced him, late and with no evidence,
because I didn’t want my sister to be in that hell.
Do you understand?
But, of course, the only thing I got was to look like a pathological jealous woman making a false report. And, ‘Look, the Inspector doesn’t report it in time and denounces it now that he’ s with her sister’.
But, Raquel, the police or the judges have to believe you, it’s impossible not to believe you. Raquel, I’ve just felt the emotion and helplessness of having someone to help you. Somebody. Who’s gonna help me?”


Where does it begin?

Domestic violence, as well as spouse/intimate partner abuse starts with a word. That’s right, one word, or maybe a sentence. Not necessarily a specific word or sentence, but that’s how it begins. A put-down or perhaps a threat, or even a suggestive comment that could be interpreted in numerous ways, but your gut tells you it’s not meant in a good way. That’s where the abuse starts. Something as innocuous as, “You’re not going to wear that, are you?” or “I can’t believe you’re stupid enough to say that.” I’ve often said if a word is not fit to say to a friend, coworker or minister, then perhaps it should not be directed at the person we are supposed to love, guard and protect with our heart and very life.

How does it end?

By making sure that domestic violence and abuse do not remain a shameful secret is the first step.

It is not uncommon for victims of domestic violence and abuse to take a long time to recognise what is happening. For some families, domestic violence and abuse are a “normal” part of family life. Even when children realise that the situation is wrong, shame can make it difficult to speak out.

However, having a trusting relationship outside the home can increase the chances that someone affected by domestic violence and abuse will manage to talk about their experience.

Sharing the secret with someone outside the family is the first step in breaking out of the cycle of violence and abuse.

Professionals including doctors, nurses, health visitors, teachers and social workers are trained to keep watch for signs of domestic violence and abuse. You can always talk to them and they will work with you and other professionals to keep you and your children safe. In many areas, specialist domestic violence organisations can offer support.

Remember, the most important thing is to keep yourself and your children safe.  Domestic violence and abuse is a crime, so don’t hold back from involving the police.

Once out of the domestically violent or abusive relationship, practical help may be needed from professionals like social workers or solicitors. They will be able to help with finding a place to live, dealing with money problems, and making contact and school arrangements for the children.


Domestic Violence in Police Families

Hundreds of women, partners of police officers, are beaten every year. Just this April, Crystal Brame was killed by her estranged husband, the police chief of Tacoma, Washington. Here are some facts on cops as batterers.

  • Domestic violence is 2 to 4 times more common in police families than in the general population. In two separate studies, 40% of police officers self-report that they have used violence against their domestic partners within the last year. In the general population, it’s estimated that domestic violence occurs in about 10% of families.
  • In a nationwide survey of 123 police departments, 45% had no specific policy for dealing with officer-involved domestic violence.
  • In that same survey, the most common discipline imposed for a sustained allegation of domestic violence was counselling. Only 19% of departments indicated that officers would be terminated after a second sustained allegation of domestic violence.
  • In San Diego, a national model in domestic violence prosecution, the City Attorney typically prosecutes 92% of referred domestic violence cases, but only 42% of cases where the batterer is a cop.
  • If Your Batterer is a Cop

    Even more than other battered women, when you decide to leave or prosecute you need to move strategically and get good advice from the outset.

    • Find an advocate who is independent from police agencies and experienced in working with police officer violence.
    • Make a comprehensive safety plan: put money aside he doesn’t know about, identify where you can flee with your children, etc. Domestic violence shelters can help you with this anonymously.
    • While the tendency is to take “baby steps” so as not to enrage him, once you make your move, the more power you can muster, the more likely you can stand up to the power you’ll be up against. Report to police or district attorney, get a restraining order and report to his police agency all at once.
    • If police and DAs are unresponsive, go to the press.
    • Contact Purple Berets for “Police Domestic Violence: A Handbook for Victims.”
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