What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Reporter: “Holy cow!”
Man: “Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general.”
Reporter: “But isn’t that hostile?”
Man: “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.”
Reporter: “Oh dear!”
Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.”
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.
Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks,
“How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?”
The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, “Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!” A pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.'” The boy responds, “Because I caught these fish at the local dam.” The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, “I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way.” He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, “That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!”
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. “How do you breathe through something so small?”
Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.
Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “Jesús is watching you.” He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, “Jesús is watching you.” In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said Jesús is watching me” The parrot replied, “Yes.” Relieved, the burglar asked,
“What is your name?” The parrot said, “Clarence.”
The burglar said, “That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?”
The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesús.”