Why Atomic Blonde was not the Bomb

I wanted to see a chick John Wick and I was sooo disappointed! Charlize Theron does a mediocre accent in whatever language she is speaking in (German and British English too)!

Atomic Blonde (2017)
Charlize Theron
The movie is not the, “Hyper Retro 80’s Stylized Jane Wick” that the advertisement pitches. That’s about 10% of the movie.
That part was fun. The rest of it is a sloppy borderline incoherent storyline that tries to be clever with plot twist, even if it’s nonsense and predictable. It has a forced romance that you don’t feel. Boring one dimensional characters. It’s style over substance, with not much style. It confuses playing 20 different remixes of, “99 Red Luftballoons” as clever. Even if it doesn’t flow with the context with the scene. It just fits the vibe of the colour palette they shot with. (That’s, “The Style” that the movie is getting praised for. It’s all shot with darker blues and greens with bright greens and pinks as accent colours.)

It just doesn’t fit the context of a slow choppy spy “thriller”…. I can’t take an attempted dramatic scene where a pivotal character dies serious when you have The Flock Of Seagulls, “I Ran” playing behind it. It just makes me wanna leave the cinema and play GTA: Vice City instead. YouTube that scene, and watch John Wick instead. Maybe turn down the volume and crank up some Tears For Fears instead.
It’ll be a better time than Atomic Blonde.
James McAvoy plays the character he always plays , the weak girly man attempting to act tough.. He is a secret agent trying to live it up in Berlin, with ties to the Mafia and back to the Brits. They never explained how he befriended the guy who was killed. He is probably the only one with half decent acting skills in this movie (don’t get me wrong, I loved Split and I hope he gets nominated for it). And even as weakly as he fights, he could breathe on Charlize and kill her – that’s how much stronger he is.

Up-and-comer Sofia Boutella holds her own as does Goodman (as usual) and great leads in both Theron and McAvoy but… unfortunately for all of us; even they were not able to save this confusing and truly unbelievable mess of a story (you will agree when it wraps).

Lessons learned from this movie…

  1. Smoking makes you really look cool and a great example to follow.
  2. Beating up a dude and smoking his cigarette butt makes you even cooler.
  3. Drinking an alcoholic beverage before popping a dude in the head with a handgun really really really makes you pretty cool.
  4. Apparently a skinny fragile woman can disable a bunch of male thugs five times her size and strength without even flinching.

The ending felt tacked on, featured a minor plot hole, and was edited almost entirely in slow-mo, taking any life out of the fight.

If you go to YouTube and look up the One-Take Shot from Atomic Blonde, that I’m sure will be on there if it’s not yet, that’ll save you like an hour and a half of being bored.

Overall, I thought it was ok, but I have no desire to re-watch it. It’s also made me a little more nervous about Deadpool 2.

The other good thing about the movie was the playlist. If you’re an 80’s music fan, check out this playlist:

Blue Monday (From “Atomic Blonde”) HEALTH
Black Skinhead KANYE WEST
Personal Jesus DEPECHE MODE
Killer Queen QUEEN
99 Luftballons NENA
Voices Carry ‘TIL TUESDAY
Under Pressure DAVID BOWIE & QUEEN
Behind the Wheel DEPECHE MODE
Blue Monday NEW ORDER Blue Monday ’88 Opening scene.
Cat People (Putting Out Fire) DAVID BOWIE
Fight the Power PUBLIC ENEMY
The Killing Moon ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN
Der Kommissar FALCO
Just Like Heaven THE CURE
Hungry Like the Wolf DURAN DURAN
Bombshell Blonde OWL CITY
Personal Yeezus CHAMBALAND
Atomic (2001 Remaster) BLONDIE
99 Luftballons KALEIDA
Кони Привередливые VLADIMIR VYSOTSKY
I Ran (So Far Away) [Epic Trailer Version] HIDDEN CITIZENS
One Thing Leads to Another THE FIXX
London Calling THE CLASH
The Politics of Dancing RE-FLEX
As Time Goes By (From “Casablanca”) DOOLEY WILSON
Kack Zukunft AUSSCHLAG

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