Tips from Amy Poehler on How to be a good Mom and Wife

  • Make sure he’s grateful to be with you.
  • Your boobs won’t be as big as mine but you will be happy about that as you get older.
  • TheMomAlways tell people when they do a good job.
  • Always have a messy purse.
  • Guilt works.
  • You are the smartest and best.
  • Monty Python is funny.
  • Be nice to your brother.
  • Be a light sleeper, and every time your kid wakes you up, scream like you are being attacked.
  • Have fun dancing.
  • Have male friends.
  • Have more female friends.
  • Your female friends will outlast every man in your life.
  • Love your husband and don’t belittle him.
  • Love your kids and hope they do better than you did.
  • You don’t want to be the sexy mom.
  • Dye your hair constantly.
  • There’s not much we can do about our Irish eyebrows.
  • Postpartum depression, anxiety, and skin cancer run in our family.
  • Ask your kids how they are doing but sometimes ignore them when they say, “Not great.”
  • Love your work.
  • Study hard and know how to write and read well.
  • Memorize poems.
  • Be nice to teachers. Teachers don’t like kids who don’t like teachers.
  • Always bring wine.
  • A home-cooked meal isn’t so important.
  • TV in your bedroom is okay.
  • Follow sports and leave the room if you’re a jinx.
  • Be careful.
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