I am a cloud, congealed against a central object

“I used to think of my body as an instrument, of pleasure or a means of transportation, or an implement for the accomplishment of my will. I could use it to run, push buttons, of one sort or another, make things happen. There were limits but my body was nevertheless lithe, single, solid, one with me…  now the flesh arranges itself differently. I’m a cloud, congealed around a central object, the shape of a pear, which is hard and more real than I am and glows red within its translucent wrapping. Inside it is a space, huge as the sky at night and dark and curved like that, through black-red rather than black. Pinpoints of light swell, sparkle, burst and shrivel within it, countless as stars. Every month there is a moon, gigantic, round, heavy, an omen. It transits, pauses, continues on and passes out of sight, and I see despair coming towards me like famine. To feel that empty, again, again. I listen to my heart, wave upon wave, salty and red, continuing on and on, marking time.”

Quote from Margaret Atwood – The Handmaid’s Tale

Why I loved the quote?
She’s a mother to be and yet she does not have any feelings regarding her new baby – it’s just an object. She is a carrier but nothing more. She is a vessel, devoid of any feelings, empty and closed.
In this world, she is just a commodity, a tool, a mean to an end. She is owned by the state and she cannot leave or have any choice in the matter of her own womanhood.
She is wrapping against a candy, solid and huge and when she will “burst”, new life will come into the world.

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